Twitter goes back to the future…or past rather

Outside of Facebook, Twitter is probably the most hyped company in the Web 2.0 arena. It has garnered praise from all the bloggers and geeks of significance. If Twitter was a band it would be The Strokes circa 2003. Twitter is the “it” girl of the Bay Area. Personally, I am still sort of wishy washy on the concept however, I know that the service will be integrated in a variety of ways that someone of my middling intelligence is not possible of comprehending at this time. Nonethesless, no matter which way twitter is eventually leveraged to facilitate some new technique of marketing and advertising; one thing is brazenly clear at this point. Most of the twitter comments are benign, earnest and overtly PC such as “Just got done with bikram…feel Great!”, “Had great meeting with XYZ from ABC company at XXX conference” or “Mmmhh…love Swensen’s bittersweet chocolate milkshakes”. BORING. If it is supposed to represent a newfangled stream of consciousness it would be much more entertaining and compelling if a Lenny Bruce/Sasha Cohen character was to unleash all of their biases, impulsive judgements. At least get some people of ill repute to become early adopters of the service.

So let’s just put on our imaginary hats and imagine that Doc Brown suddenly landed in his De lorian and whisked us away to several points of time in the past and we magically gave individuals the ability and wifi access to “Twitter” for 24 hours. I know it does not make any sense McFly but just go with it…

Gold Rush Twitter – from the perspective of a Grizzled prospector

• Went panning this morning
• Damn socks are wet…
• Got a new pickaxe and shovel…traded with a Chinaman
• Visited brothel….cheap whiskey and easy women….my kind of establishment
• Beard almost a foot in length…
• Suspenders getting a little loose
• Back at brothel again, they have one of those newfangled pianos that plays itself
• Got me a new six shooter….that Injun’s been eyeing my mule
• Panning again..if I find me some gold, going to buy a nice house on the prarie and make an honest women of Doreen.

Medieval Times Twitter – from the perspective of a common serf

• Just watched third beheading this week in the town square, I heard the executioner is having an affair with the blacksmith’s daughter
• The stench is really beginning to get to me in the village, which reminds me I have to throw the bucket of my feces out tonight
• Heard the plague is spreading…maybe my insufferable wife will catch it
• Supposedly there’s some charlatan named Merlin who can levitate and dates only the finest ladies in court. Has some shtick called “Street Magic”
• Those knight are so overrated…slaying dragon’s my arse, they’re overpaid egomaniacs with prettier hair than most maidens
• Sherrif’s coming by to pay taxes, which somebody would rob him like he does me….
• Thinking of opening a Medieval Times themed restaurant….you know…struggling actors, bad wigs and miller lite.

July 27th Twitter – from the perspective of Mark Chu Cheong

• Moron…don’t post that Twitter piece…not funny in the slightest..worse idea than Evan Almighty and the new Robin Williams as a priest debacle

Bloggers who live in glass houses should not throw stones or iPhones for that matter..

The author of Misanthropy Today has developed a severe distaste for all things Apple. Most of his venom has been saved for the misguided “sheep” he feels have been connived into “needing” products that are inferior and overrated due to Apple’s irresistible marketing campaigns. Undoubtedly, most consumers who buy a MacBook Pro will never use it for pusuits more ambitious than surfing the Internet. An even larger contingent are most likely a tad bit overzealous in their collection of iPods and associated accessories for different activities and functions. (car, gym, bowel movements, reincarnation, etc.) However, the aforementioned argument is full of inconsistencies, and lacks a general cohesiveness often displayed by blathering, right wing pundits such as Bill O’Reilly and Rush Limbaugh whose main aim is to provoke. The author is quick to condemn and criticize without offering any discernible solutions or suggestions, thereby making the grave error of failing to look in the mirror. The expression “To thine own self be true” has never been more pertinent and fitting in this case. Unwittingly, he is guilty of the same hypocrisy and transgression that plagues the ignorant, Trey Anastacio worshipping, peace loving, neo-hipie who proudly rocks a Che Guevara t-shirt. The following is the first of a 2 part series that examines this bitter individual’s entertaining yet flawed logic:

• Et tu Brutus? The author would have us believe he is holier than thou, leading a Howard Roark/Ted Kascyzski like existence devoid of any of the influences of pop culture and US Weekly. Look closer however, and we see the author is just as guilty to the influences imposed by Madison Avenue. Except given his camo capris, soccer jersey and Diesel kicks perhaps the author resides in the far classier demographic that is partial to dancing up a storm to the latest, Tiesto anthem in an Ibiza nightclub while splitting another “mollie” with his “mate”. I’ll spend my time drinking Stella, listening to the new Interpol album in my friend “Dave’s” well decorated apartment any day of the week rather than being knee deep in foam while some ass clown waves a union jack to the pulsating beat of Paul Van Dyk.

• “Dave” drives a rabbit while utilizing a sidekick and listening to Wilco and Belle &Sebastian – If anybody can find me a male of this description; then they can surely direct me to the island paradise where Biggie, Tupac, Sasquatch and the Lochness Monster reside. (Perhaps, that explains the affinity for B&S given the Scottish roots of the band). Maybe, it’s just me but I equate VW rabbits with the standard hot blond chick from 80’s films, a sidekick with coke infused heiresses, and Wilco, well with people of tremendous impeccable taste. This cartoonish mashup of David Cross meets Hayden Panettiere crossed with a CNET correspondent is amusing but laughable when dissected.

• Equating a fondness for Wilco to being herded like sheep – Now, I understand Wilco is a critics darling and beloved by the indie/hipster set, and yes, that’s them on the new volkswagen commercials. However, I challenge anybody to listen to any album in the Wilco catougue, and then arrive at the conclusion that this band is part of the same slick marketing machine brings us the Duff Sisters and My Chemical Romance . Watch the documentary, “You are Trying to Break my Heart” and tell me this was all part of marketeers plan to get the band dropped from Reprise, only to rise from the ashes as a sparkling indie rock Phoenix. If it was pure propaganda, then kudos to the marketing Svengali that oversaw this strategy. FYI…“Sunken Treasure” is an equally compelling DVD of Jeff Tweedy’s tour through the Northwest.

• Additionally, I have a few pointed questions for the author:
  • In lieu of an iPod what do you use as your MP3 player of choice?…let me guess you only listen to vinyl right…that’s not pretentious
  • By “Thinking Different” did that compel you to have such carefully crafted MySpace page? and oh yeah… that Jem song on your profile is also a Noxzema commercial. Wouldn’t it have been much more legit to stick with Friendster?
  • I just re-read the author’s initial post and there are so many flaws in misanthropy’s argument that this is going to require a part 2 that will be posted tomorrow. Same Bat time, same bat channel.