Category Archives: summer

Countdown to “the event of the summer”


Osvog Vikings

Originally uploaded by guffman32.
Well, folks the Jason – Emily union is right around the proverbial corner so I figured we would kick off the festivities by discussing what hijinx will ensue next week. Here’s my top 10 list of the most shocking predictions for Big Sky. I open the forum for your comments and predictions.

10. In an emergency INXS calls Osvog on Friday to stand in as the lead singer for their Indian reservation whirlwind tour of 2007. Although flattered, he declines thinking of the strain life on the road will put on a new marriage.

9. Dunning actually looks like all his organs are functioning normally.

8. Tooth finally admits that he is Luke and Leiah’s father/Kronan decides to just order a “well” drink

7. Chuch actually does not bitch about something for an entire 23 minutes. (Of couse this will be when he is busy fighting for his life rafting)

6. Jeff aka the scab replacment groomsmen falls off raft and is rescued by a park ranger who claims to have rescued George Bush Jr.. He mentions he thought the President would be in better shape.

5. Kent’s plan of driving from Salt Lake actually turns out to make sense and he fails to break a chair or appliance during his entire stay at theĀ  lodge.

4. Mitch refuses to have lunch with one of Emily’s gorgeous early 20’s cousins instead insisting to go on an all dude hike/drum banging session in the mountains.

3. Bluto not “ryan” makes a guest appearance.

2. Fenimore uses only 2 hair product in his hair instead of the usual 3 not including the leave in conditioner. He also decides to just “clean up the kitchen later.”

1. Wendy decides to “sit this song out”.

Why I love LA or at least like it…

Yesterday, I was in LA for the Decemberist concert at the Hollywod Bowl and was reminded why La La land,while annoying and overbearing to many, never fails to be entertaining and completely amusing.

4:35 pm – Met up with Andy at Whole Foods in West Hollywood to discuss a couple of ideas to improve our respective blogs. I think they were at least 30 soap opera actors in the store at all times. It’s the only grocery store where more than 50% of the cashiers could be on the verge of landing a pilot or have a script in development. Andy got excited when he got to snap a pic of an Olsen twin wearing what seems to be the carcass of an ostrich and boxer briefs. After our meeting I made a decision to do more cardio at the gym.

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6:15 pm – Had dinner with Kathleen at Cha Cha Cha. Great tapas and mojitos. Our waitress looked like she was straight out of the L Word. Kathleen thought she looked like a participant in America’s Next Top Model. The one they make cut their hair which inevitably causes a nervous breakdown and the world’s most annoying human aka Tyra Bank’s telling us about her confronting her fear of dolphins.

7:30 – Almost get into an altercation with a scalper who accused me of trying to steal his “leads” because I had two extra tics I needed to unload. Then he tried to broker a deal with me. I ended up selling to his leads. Felt kind of guilty at first, but then decided that capitalism was at work. The scalper looked like Bushwick Bill. I remind myself to never work his corner against out of respect for the man that brought us “My Minds Playing Tricks on Me” and “Damn it feels good to be a Gangsta”.

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8:15 pm Band of Horses performs first. They are pretty good live, sort of like a Shins/My Morning Jacket sound. I don’t rave about many things however, I could enjoy myself at the Hollywood Bowl even if subjected to the horror of a Carlos Mencia/Dane Cook double bill. The place is nothing short of fantastic in the summer. Andrew Byrd comes on next and I am impressed. He switches between playing the violin, guitar and whistling. This dude has more talent in his clavicle than I have in my entire body. I kind of want to punch him. The Decemberist come on next and their sound blends perfectly with the LA Philharmonic. I thought the Arcade Fire were dramatic, but these guys are hardcore thespians. The type that sat at the end lunch table in the high school cafeteria and always seemed to be laughing and having more fun than anybody else while in school. I am pretty sure the organist teaches high school music in her spare time. (Actually Kathleen said that) Their artistic flair annoys these two guys sitting in front of us to the extent their immediately get up and leave. I loved these guys “Alice in Chains” retro look. I am pretty sure Eric Stolz would play the guy on the left in a TV movie. The best part was that they shared a bucket of popcorn the entire time.

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11:oo pm – As we speedwalk in a desperate attempt to beat traffic, we see a brother and sister duo covering “Dark Side of the Moon” on the sidewalk complete with flashing lights and synthesized electronic audio enhancements. They are awesome and can’t be a day over 15. I think the dude is dressed like some sort of wizard. It puts a smile on my face. I give them a buck for their efforts.

11:20 pm – Hollywood and Highland is a nightmare. I can’t believe tourist get tricked into coming here and they end up taking pictures of Lorenzo Lamas’ star on the Walk of Fame. This deserves its own column. I truly think this area might be hell on earth.

12:00 pm – Listen to Ryan Adam’s new album Easy Tiger on the way home. (see below) It’s good, sort of “dad rock”, but good. Ryan Adams gets a lot of flack but anybody that dated Parker Posey is cool in my book. Man that kid in the wizard outfit was cool……

The Greatest American Security Officer

It is sweltering here in the OC, thus I’m feeling a little sluggish so I’m doing a little Perez Hilton style blogging sans the gushing/bashing of celebrities, pictures of his terrible fashion choices and devoid of his markings. I don’t even have my hair dyed electric blue in any pictures. So I guess that this “period” in my blog is not like Perez Hilton except that I will rely more on pictures than writing. I envy you if you are blessed with air conditioning, which happens to be one of my top 5 creations of modern society. The next few postings covered represent the last 10 days or so of my life/mundane existence.

– This past Saturday I attended Kathleen’s 10 year high school reunion which I was determined to hold over her head for eternity until I met perhaps the most unintentionally funny security guard in existence. I convinced him to pose like we in front of a low rider or part of the late 80’s NWA ripoff Compton’s Most Wanted. The best was seeing him trying to pop and lock while checking people id’s by the hot and tub. It’s a hard knock life when you’re working the PJs in Coronado Island, CA. I also like how he fashioned a “dutch” out of a gum wrapper and had his blue-tooth in his ear the entire night in case Doris from the Coco Bay Tower could not turn off her fire alarm again. If I ever have an entourage this guy is definitely working the security detail. I also like his fancy retro Pan Am pilot outfit. In the below picture I look like an extra from the Cuba Gooding Jr. movie/catastrophe “Boat Trip” aided by the equally unfunny Horatio Sanz where they accidentally board an “alternative” cruise line. Kathleen looks great however. Everybody thought I was her stylist that night. Overheard at the reunion; “That Bobby Trendy has put on some weight!”

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