Sam Olympics Diary

* We will be updating throughout the day. Remember to watch the live video of activities starting at 3:00 pm PST.

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/samolympics

9:40 am Sam and I make a trip to the grocery store. I decide to purchase some imitation Oakley Blades. I debate whether $16 is too high a price to pay for an ironic pair of sunglasses, that will probably be only worn for the day. The clincher is the fact that they say “Daytona” on the side. BAM! Now I only need some aqua socks to complete my look. Sam and I debate what quality of toilet paper we should purchase for the party. Due to the vasts amounts of quantity that will be used, I vote for the “low cost leader route” as the generic brand is discounted about 40%. Sam insists on the name brand stuff with some sort of Care Bear type mascot. He loathes the feel of “cheap” sanitary products. Good for his guests that he is this benevolent, but ultimately bad for the bottom line. (pun sort of intended)

10:20 am We are trying to decide how the rotation of the Olympics should take place. With a undetermined amount of teams/participants competing, this process is more complicated than it sounds. Additionally, we have to factor in the general inebriation factor of the players. We have finally decided on the games. (Baggo, Flip Cub, Beirut, Croquet, trivia and karaoke). We must also utilize some sort of weighted average as we want the finale karaoke competition to have a tremendous bearing on the final result. At some point I want to make the announcement , “Today, as you all know..is female Duel” like a braindead real worlds-road rules host.

10:40 Private Benjamin starring Goldie Hawn is playing in the background. Sam mentions that she crafted a substantial career in the 80’s through playing “fish out of water” roles, aided only by her compelling combination of spunk and a PG-13 sex appeal. (see Wildcats, Overboard, Bird on a Wire, House Sitter) I was about to say Troop Beverly Hills but I think that showcased the limited talents of Shelley Long. Shelley Long sucks.

10:55 am I just realized I accidentally poured some “Blueberry Cobbler” coffee mate in my java! I am incredulous! What genius at Nestle greenlighted this product innovation? And we wonder why Europeans think Americans have no taste. It taste like somebody smeared jam in my coffee and the poured sour goats milk in for extra affect.

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One response to “Sam Olympics Diary

  1. I’ll check the webcam at about 8PM PST. Apparently the Russians don’t celebrate Memorial Day so I’ve gotta hit the hay and rest up for work tomorrow. Commie bastards and their 11 hour time difference.

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